[..........................]
-Response-
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Good points and questions on forgiveness.
In Short—are you a bad Christian because you struggle with forgiveness? No. You’re normal. If it weren’t difficult, Jesus wouldn’t have addressed it. But, you are limited in your happiness as long as you carry that burden (which you already admitted).
Sorry that I don’t have time to give you a thorough response before I take off for Israel, but I wanted to touch on it briefly. You question some of the very same things I do. [..........................]. Loving them [the enemy] in the sense that many of us think of love was unimaginable—especially if it meant granting unconditional forgiveness. Biblically, however, I don’t believe that’s what is required.
First: [directly from your question on the sermon] The reference/context of money in Matthew 18 does not in any way mean that this applies only to situations involving money. It was just a medium for Jesus to use to communicate his truth: forgiveness between brothers should be unconditional. Which leads to your next question:
Second: No, this story doesn’t necessarily mean that you don’t have to forgive nonbelievers. But, it most definitely does not mean that you have to. Remember—the context was only between believers.
This single story isn’t deep enough to fully answer your struggles.
Third: Restoring fellowship in this story (Matthew 18) was predicated on sincere repentance (18.15) of the offender. If they didn’t repent, church discipline (rather than blind forgiveness) was required (18.16-17). The intent of all this: never ban someone from fellowship if they still want to be a member of the church. Insofar as it is up to you, grant the forgiveness necessary to maintain fellowship.
Check out Romans 12.17-21 (esp. 18—notice how many conditionals are in that sentence alone!).
Fourth: Levels of crime/forgiveness—Yes, someone stealing $20 is easier to forgive than the murder or child molester. No doubt.
I think more relevant here is Jesus’ orders that we love our enemies/pray for our persecutors (Matthew 5.44). It is at this point that we [..........................] struggle the most. In the interest of time (which I am out of), it’s probably best to direct you to CS Lewis’ comments on that issue. He will always be able to say it better than me. Reading him write on this issue thoroughly helped me wrestle with exactly how I am supposed to love my neighbor.
--If you only have time for one paragraph, be sure to read the last one from below.--
Hit me up when I get back if you want to chat about this more. Again, I apologize that I can’t respond better right now. Thank you so much for throwing that question out there though. I think many people (if we’re honest) struggle with this issue.
I’m going to sanitize this for anonymity and throw it up on the blog to see what kind of discussion we get.
[From CS Lewis’ Mere Christianity]
Book 3
Christian Behaviour
7. Forgiveness
I said in a previous chapter that chastity was the most unpopular of the Christian virtues. But I am not sure I was right. I believe there is one even more unpopular. It is laid down in the Christian rule, 'Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.' Because in Christian morals 'thy neighbor' includes 'thy enemy', and so we come up against this terrible duty of forgiving our enemies.
Every one says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something to forgive, as we had during the war. And then, to mention the subject at all is to be greeted with howls of anger. It is not that people think this too high and difficult a virtue: it is that they think it hateful and contemptible. 'That sort of talk makes them sick,' they say. And half of you already want to ask me, 'I wonder how you'd feel about forgiving the Gestapo if you were a Pole or a Jew?'
So do I. I wonder very much. Just as when Christianity tells me that I must not deny my religion even to save myself from death by torture, I wonder very much what I should do when it came to the point. I am not trying to tell you in this book what I could do — I can do precious little — I am telling you Christianity is. I did not invent it. And there, right in the middle of it, I find 'Forgive us our sins as we forgive those that sin against us.' There is no slightest suggestion that we are offered forgiveness on any other terms. It is made perfectly clear that if we do not forgive we shall not be forgiven. There are no two ways about it. What are we to do?
It is going to be hard enough, anyway, but I think there are two things we can do to make it easier. When you start mathematics you do not begin with the calculus; you begin with simple addition. In the same way, if we really want (but all depends on really wanting) to learn how to forgive, perhaps we had better start with something easier than the Gestapo. One might start with forgiving one's husband or wife, or parents or children, or the nearest N.C.O, for something they have done or said in the last week. That will probably keep us busy for the moment. And secondly, we might try to understand exactly what loving your neighbor as yourself means. I have to love him as I love myself. Well, how exactly do I love myself?
Now that I come to think of it, I have not exactly got a feeling of fondness or affection for myself, and I do not even always enjoy my own society. So apparently 'Love your neighbor' does not mean 'feel fond of him' or 'find him attractive'. I ought to have seen that before, because, of course, you cannot feel fond of a person by trying. Do I think well of myself, think myself a nice chap? Well, I am afraid I sometimes do (and those are, no doubt, my worst moments) but that is not why I love myself. In fact it is the other way round: my self-love makes me think myself nice, but thinking myself nice is not why I love myself. So loving my enemies does not apparently mean thinking them nice either. That is an enormous relief. For a good many people imagine that forgiving your enemies means making out that they are really not such bad fellows after all, when it is quite plain that they are. Go a step further. In my most clear-sighted moments not only do I not think myself a nice man, but I know that I am a very nasty one. I can look at some of the things I have done with horror and loathing. So apparently I am allowed to loathe and hate some of the things my enemies do. Now that I come to think of it, I remember Christian teachers telling me long ago that I must hate bad man's actions, but not hate the bad man: or, as they would say, hate the sin but not the sinner. ...
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